Words mean a lot to me, they always have. It's not true, the saying that says..."sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words can never hurt me". Words hurt, they heal, they have the ability to tear down or to build up.
Have you ever withheld encouragement from another, simply because you think that your words don't matter or that you seem to say the same thing over and over again? Please don't ever do that. Silence can be very discouraging for some, I'm one of them.
Words of affirmation and support are important to sensitive souls. I have a few in my own family that really need to hear tender words of encouragement. Every now and then you hear people say that telling a child their artwork is good when it really isn't, doesn't help them. That's a crappy way of thinking as far as I'm concerned. If, when I was learning to draw, my mother ever told me that I didn't do this quite right or have all of my colors inside the lines when coloring - that would totally have defeated me.
Some people take silence or criticism as an obstacle to jump over. I do not. I take it as hurtful judgement. Never criticize EVERYONE who may not be living up to your standards. I welcome encouraging support and help, when it's formed properly and not thrown at me. I grew up in the time when we were taught...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I don't agree with this, so much, but maybe to change it a little. If you can't say something nice....TRY ANYWAY. It'll do something inside of you to actually be nice when you feel like being critical. I, personally, feel as though there is always something good to be found that can be used to uplift another person {this isn't ever easy when we're in the heat of an argument, though...be we can surely use the strategy when asking for forgiveness, later, after we've allowed ourselves time to gather our feelings}.
With another side of this....
Some might think that I have all of the confidence in the world with my writing, because I blog; or with my photography, because I offer my skills - share my artwork....I have learned to 'do it anyway'....even when I am doubtful. I'm not always feeling like I know what I'm doing and I'm never feeling as though I've got it all together. I need those words of encouragement and support as much as anyone else does. I've found it true for some of the most highly skilled and professional artists in the world, even actors and writers need to be encouraged to know that what they do is appreciated, REALLY appreciated and welcomed. WE all need support, don't we?!
I have a friend who finds herself very discouraged in her line of work. She loves what she does, but only finds very little support for her effort. It hurts as she watches so many others doing the same, receiving the encouragement that her heart needs. She wants to give up something that really brings her joy, because she just isn't feeling appreciated doing it anymore.
Share words of affirmation, encouragement, support and love with those around you. It's a lie to think that you'll be building an ego monster. People need these good words in their lives {without begging for it}.
July 28, 2012
Tell them when you like what they do!
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Oh I was furious with that commencement speaker for telling the class they weren't exceptional. That flies in the face of an Almighty, loving God imho. He built into each of us specific gifts and talents. I'm in agreement with you that to withhold a good word is selfish...we need to be more free with encouragements. On the other hand, we must love what we do enough not to quit just because someone is not stroking our efforts. Do it because you love it or don't, but do not blame anyone else (even if they are to blame). On that note, I really like this photo of your son. You know him so well that you capture him well...
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that the support and encouraging words of her friends has helped her to understand that it is so important to continue, and that she'll learn to be 'enough' - for herself.
Delete"I, personally, feel as though there is always something good to be found that can be used to uplift another person."
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly agree, Heather. In fact, I agree with all you've said. To some it just seems like common sense but sadly there are others who don't appreciate the power of their words and put so little thought into what they say.
I like it when you give us little bits of your philosophy on life and you always choose such an appropriate photo for them.
John, you always uplift me when you come by. I absolutely love your visits, your little notes that I receive here or in the mail that make my heart smile bigger than you'll ever know. You, my friend, are a rare find {I think I'll keep you}.
Delete:)
Good for you, Heather! I totally agree. Why is that people find it so easy to make negative remarks, and so difficult (if not impossible) to praise? I've always liked the "look for the good and praise it" folks best! Thanks for a timely reminder. xox
ReplyDeleteYou're quite welcome C.C. I'm so glad to see you flutter about, here :) Blessings to you today and in the week ahead.
DeleteI have always lived by the tenet that flattery corrupts both the giver and receiver so I agree wholeheartedly that telling a child their artwork is good when it really isn't, doesn't help them and is a crappy way of thinking. Compliments on the other hand are the way to achieve the best in almost everyone. To tell a stranger behind a a post office counter that they have a lovely smile or that you really appreciated what they had done for you (even if it was their job) are just tiny ways of oiling the wheels of life. I think that there is a place for criticism if it is positive and helpful. It is negativity that is anathema.
ReplyDeleteAnd finally possibly my pet dislike in this vein is where a parent says "You only came second? You should have put more effort into it and come first." I always remember my history teacher in grammar school who, when asked who had come last in an exam, said that if a person came last it didn't matter provided that they had put in the effort and tried. He felt that to come first without effort was a lesser achievement.