Deeper Than the Surface

Sometimes, it seems as though the life that I lived thirty years ago or more was a dream that passed through a sleepy night. Don't you feel that way with memories? I wouldn't ever want to go back and relive my life over again, but to have an opportunity for such a brief moment in time - just to, say, hug my mom as I did when I was a little girl or to stand upon that super soft patch of funky grass in my old back yard...there are so many 'moment's I could think to revisit, as long as my 'today' didn't change.

Wouldn't that be so pleasant?! I'm sure that it's not beyond the capabilities of God, but like a little child who dreams with her whole heart that she wants to be all grown up and must live through her days to grow there....we can't fast forward our life to be an adult and we certainly cannot relive a moment that has passed in time. Still, in our memories, we are able.

When I tell people that I'd like to revisit moments from my childhood, they always get the wrong impression - thinking that I'd do so because I don't like my current life, or that I'd change something. It's not about any of that at all. It's about feeling the freedom of childhood again, only long enough to really 'FEEL' it and then to fill up our tank of appreciation.

To stand at a distance and watch my daddy working on cars in the old shop, and smell that familiar smell of rubber tires and oil....this wouldn't be anyone elses choice of revisiting, but I loved doing it. To this day, walking into an auto shop where the dirt and grime and grease reside...yes, if I close my eyes, I can be that little girl again. I loved the strength and knowledge that I witnessed as I watched my daddy work.

We never went to Disney World and rarely went to Fair's and such, but looking back as an adult - it doesn't matter, now. The time that was spent with me in the littlest things of life are the ones that I cherish the most. As a child, we don't realize any of that. Of course, I wanted to go to those places, too, just like my friends and felt like we were poor in comparison - but it's the same old truth to be told. It's not about what we spend or overspend, or go into to debt to do. It's not about reliving our childhood or what we didn't have, as parents, and doing for our children because we didn't get to. I really believe that. It's about doing the little things, allowing them to come along for the ride to the store, being at their games, holding their hands when they're little and not letting them be more responsible or independent than they should be for the age that they are.


There are a few 'big things' that we did when I was little and what I remember most about them doesn't compare at all with sitting in the back seat of my mom's car as she and my Gram would drive the streets of Burlington, hunting for garage sales and good deals. To watch their interaction with one another, with strangers and feel the relating was an extreme blessing to carry in my mind. I always thought, as an adult child, this was how it was suppose to be - doing everything with my mom, but we didn't have that together until much later...until the last five years of her life. Circumstances were different after she lost her mom and dad, and I understand very much why. Thankfully, God positioned things in my life a little differently. My strengths are not all the same as my mothers were and neither are my weaknesses. Being a mom to three boys leaves me very little time for getting stuck in a rut of grieving.

Sorry, those thoughts got off track a bit there. I have been reading, and just finished, a book written by Melissa Gilbert Boxleitner called Prairie Tale. She writes in such a way as to keep my attention, sharing the feelings and thoughts that she had throughout her growing years on the set of Little House on the Prairie and beyond, who she has become in the process. So much that we don't know of people and really should. I loved watching that television show and seemed to dream of who each person really was in life. I suppose that's why I like the type of reading that I do. People can only see what is on the surface of another's life, unless they have the opportunity to befriend them - unless they're like me, who tends to expose a little in my writing.

I think back to the people who were in my life the most, as a child, and what they've meant to me; how their lives affected mine and who I have become. My best friend's father was the one who taught me to swim and I still remember those days in the pool. I was probably around five years old or so. I would meet him in the shallow end, hop up onto his arms while he would hold my belly, telling me to rotate my arms and kick my legs, he would slowly lower me into the water. He did a great job teaching me and I was ever so quick to learn. I wanted IN that pool.

A lot of the things to make a big impression on me, enough to carry into my own 'way' as an adult {whether in a positive or negative affect} were the things that I observed over rather than were verbally taught....another saying proves truth. It's not what we teach our kids with our mouth, as much as it is what they witness with their own eyes.

I remember going to my best friend's house and watching her mother clean. She was fanatical about cleaning {that's what she always did to make money}. I never could get how her kitchen sink would sparkle ALL DAY long, until I watched how there was never allowed any dirty dishes to be still in it. When she would wash her windows, she had this specific process...one that I use now {when I actually wash mine}. It seemed that she would wash the girls bedding every single day, even though I know she didn't but she did more than I do, that's for sure. I'm not a clean freak. I like my house spiffy, but it's impossible for me to have the energy needed to keep it spotless with three boys, a dog, cat and man {who all seem to care less at surrounding cleanliness}. To this day, though, I think of Margaret when I wash my windows or pull my bedsheets and, sometimes, even when I try to keep my sink clean.

The things that made an impression on me! More will come, eventually....