My Word for 2012

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What am I doing up so early this morning? Every night, for the past few, has been a late one, even with my boys; we've enjoyed staying up together and normally still find the required amount of sleep time but not for me, today. I woke up a couple of hours ago, thinking I'd fall back to sleep but I didn't.

And, now I'm up. But, really, it's okay. I was able to begin the morning, on this last day of 2011, talking to God quietly; within the confines of my mind and, also, without distraction {which, if you know me, doesn't happen very often - if outer life doesn't distract me, my own inner turmoil does}. I used to be so able to COMMIT my quiet time to pondering with God, even with children running around in my house but as my hormones change and the seasons, I find my brain easily distracted {it truly is a woman's growth of seasons through life}. Some women may not necessarily recognize it as such but I know that we all go through this in areas.

As I lay in bed thinking, I wondered what my new Word would be in this coming year. See, each year for {well, I don't really know when I began} a few now, I have asked God to give me specific Words to ponder and especially One in particular to begin with. Words are my 'thing', my place to reflect on who I am and my relationship with Him and how it all fits together in this moment of now in my life.

I don't really make myself the traditional "New Year's Resolutions". I just cannot subject myself to that kind of expectation, because there is a place within me that feels, even if I fail for a second, I will have FAILED and therefor be defeated. I'm not a brush myself right off and jump back in, kind of person; well, I am but only after I've sat and gathered my pieces, thought about them, handed them back over to God and asked for His Hand to pick me up. That's a process, you know. I would rather COMMIT myself to His leading me in each day, knowing in my heart that if I fail - it's okay. This probably makes no sense to anyone reading this but it does to me and honestly, not to be harsh, I need to get back to writing - for me.

As usual, I have somehow found myself back into that ditch of pleasing everyone else - maybe it isn't seen by all, but it is by me; I find myself searching for what people need to hear or see. That's because, inside of me, is this purely planted seed to encourage others, to inspire them, to love them; and somehow, Heather gets all caught up in the balance of living it all out.

So, I went downstairs after laying in bed awhile, this morning. I made myself some chamomile/green tea, talked with hubby for a few minutes and came back up with my Bible in hand, just a little bit of light coming through the window and a little man sleeping half on my bed {don't ask}. As I sat with my head resting against the window, I heard the crows cawing and flying through the air above {I don't know what it is about those birds, but I have a love for them}.

God quietly reminds me of the Who, that I am.
And nudges me to this screen of myself, as He has seen me these last few months.
I haven't been Me but have allowed the influence of becoming {what I thought might be} a better version, to mold my goals.
That's not Who I am.

The Word that I'm finding to be whispered into my ears this morning is one that means so much more than a whisper, but is presented gently with a bold meaning.....COMMIT. I can only imagine where God will teach me through this one. This is so much better than a "New Year's Resolution", you know. And with this Word, came an instant Verse:

Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust Him, and He will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Psalm 37:5-6 NLT

After having this Word fill my mind, this morning, I find my thoughts returning to photography and my writing. It is all connected, He brought me to this place and fills me up with each step. I just need not get distracted with doubts in myself, fear of becoming more than I can handle and the nonsense in my view. It's not to COMMIT myself to one area or another, but to HIM in all areas - - doing what I do BECAUSE I am committed to Him and not allow myself to feel as though I need to keep up with the Jones's or please the reader or do or have what's in. And, even though I surely need the money, I find it hard to take from people. I know that what I do is worth something, it costs me something but it feels so much better when I can offer my eyes without a price tag involved. This is an area I need to COMMIT to Him and sift through. There will be many more, I could write them all out but I'm not going to - I'm not ready to be THAT vulnerable to whomever may be reading this. ;)

When I began writing, I had no big thought of who is reading. That's where I want to get back to. And, the same with my photography. Each of us are born with authentic abilities that are formed through our personality, character, beliefs and so on. I am easily influenced, always have been and that's not to say that I'll go out and do what everyone else does, or what everyone else believes and says is right - NO, I'm much too independently formed for that. Not to allow what I see and hear, or read from the worlds point, to seethe in and take place but allow God, my time with Him and His Words to mold me - I will keep my authentic ability. Does that make sense? Here's an example.....with my business style of photography - when I began taking pictures on my own, for myself, it was the purity of the moment that I found pleasing in a print; like a story could be told with just one picture. I didn't need to plan the pose, make it pretty, fill it with props and light or say smile. My eye saw something that filled my heart, creating life in a moment. That's who I am as a photographer. As I grew, holding God's hand tightly, I started feeling like I was in this shove to make it better - to do what people want, spend money on 'stuff' to make the picture perfect...I was, kind of, pulling God with me like a little one does in a toy store with their parent. Let's see that, can I have this?, oooooh, that's pretty - you know?

Don't we all do that in life? Why can't we just be satisfied with what God has given us, in all areas? Why must we constantly try to 'one up' Him? Yes, that's what this world does. Like we really have that ability...{snickering}.

Back to the simple's of what I see, who I am and COMMITTING to God and to myself that I need to remain AUTHENTIC.

whether or not it is what people want
whether or not it makes me money

because I'll be true to myself
and God will provide

He was waiting.


My dad's dear neighbor brings him special Bosnian made treats at different times throughout the year. She makes some very 'unique to us' goodies; oh, they taste good! This bread {I don't know it's name}, is a hearty bread, almost fruity flavored with a hint of almond. Dad passed some of it on to us and when we were finished, we passed it on to our neighbors....the critterly kind.


I just love the big black crows. It's been awhile since we've seen them in our tree's. Normally, every year, there are loads and loads of them hovering around. A few years ago, we even had them nest just outside of our windows. They make LARGE nests.


I was excited to see them so close this morning. Even though I was standing in the warmth of my dining room, behind a {VERY} dirty window - I grabbed my camera. Actually, I was pretty happy with the results of my effort after uploading.

Meet Mister Nubbs

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He's a tiny little hamster.
Soft.
Quick.
Bouncy.


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He's also NOT ours.

{smiles}


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Funny, what things catch my eyes.

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We were on the Interstate when this load of crushed cars went by. Overexposed with my settings, I found the photo to my liking and thought I'd keep it. There was a time when I was behind the paperwork for this kind of travel....no, really! When I worked for the Junk Yard, I was doing business with the Canadians on a daily basis and sometimes more than once or twice. It wasn't an extremely easy process but I learned how to communicate quickly with the basics {I always needed a semi-English speaking person on the other end of the line}.

The other day as I was traveling home, just a few after I took this photo, I saw another load of crushed cars resting in this metal mesh box carrier. It was at the truck stop up the road from us, something that I'd never seen before. When I was working at the Yard, the crushed cars would just be plopped nicely in a stack on the back of a lengthy trailer - strapped wide open {a little dangerous style, really, but that's what they did then}. The one shown above is a little of the same only it has a wrapping around each crushed car to keep debris from falling off. For years, I've seen at a distance, the changes being made to keep travels a bit more clean and safe. The box style that I saw the other day is extremely clean and safe - they've done well.

Christmas Favorites of 2011

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I didn't send out cards this year, now I know why....

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He didn't lose his other top tooth until this morning, during breakfast.

This is the photo that I would have sent out into the mail.

Along with the Christmas Greetings, to friends and family.

If I had sent them.

It's too late to reach you all now.

Please accept my sincerest of apologies for being too....everything, and not quite enough.

May you and your families feel peace and joy with your celebrations!!

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He found this.

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The little man came to the back door last weekend with rosy cheeks and a thump-thump. His hands were full and unable to use them for the door. When I went to the window, he said..."MOM! Look at what I found in the woods!"

IMG_0836b It's been sitting on our back deck railing ever since. He really wanted to bring his new found treasure in the house, but it would have melt under the extreme heat from our woodstove. The mourning doves keep inspecting it, wandering around and poking at it a little. He's been wanting me to take a picture of it, so I did before the rain washes it away. It's made of mud and straw/grass - surely it wouldn't last too long out there in the weather, either; but in a photograph, it could possibly last a lifetime.

Run ragged.

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I can't believe that it's only Tuesday, but I thank God that it is - this week, because that means tomorrow is my Friday {only, it's not like I'm really getting a vacation or any time to relax}. My Suburban has been out of commission for two weeks, needing of a flywheel and starter but has only just begun to find a friend able to operate. Happy to have old friends in the business!

I did most of my Christmas shopping online, but needed to pick up a few odds-n-ends today - thankful that I only had to go into the store this one time, it's crazy in there and I'm not liking shopping with obstacles {people everywhere}.

You would think that having a well able hubby, I would find myself a little less exhausted than I am but it's not the case - not that I want to rant much about him here, but AGH....I can't even leave the house for ten minutes to pick up the oldest without him burning the brownies that I asked him to keep an eye on. Well, there were no eyes open when I got back; apparently the ears stopped sometime in between me leaving and coming home, too, because he didn't hear the timer go off :/

I'm aggravated with doing it all - alone, or with having to beg for help from outsiders. Thankful for the outsiders who come to my rescue....OH SO THANKFUL! Can you tell I'm overtired and a little crabby right now? I probably shouldn't be writing, but heck - I need to tell someone how I feel and I don't want to talk on the phone, it irritates me {ha}.

Okay...I should quit while I'm a few shy from spilling over. Plus, I smell the second batch of brownies and SURELY don't want to burn those ;)

*** afterthought}-- just checked the first batch and they are edible, not too burnt, must be I got home just in time but the edges might not be a little crispier than desired {did I forget to mention the importance of the brownies? yeah, they are for our middle man's class party tomorrow - otherwise, I may not have been as irritated}

He thinks he's funny...

I asked him to sit in front of the tree last weekend, so that I could adjust my settings before a friend would come over for pictures.  He sat....

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You know, it takes a special kind of woman to spend the rest of this life with a brat like mine. Of course, it takes a special kind of brat to keep things stirred up enough for a woman who gets bored with herself, too.

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Pretty Girl

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I suppose, the more that I practice getting her to sit still...the more she'll sit still for the camera?? Well, she did alright here.

Where did it all go?

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It's kind of hard to believe, if you look outside the windows right now, that we had this amount of snow just a few weeks ago. This photo was taken on Thanksgiving Day. Today, the wind is blowing violently outside - the temperature, extremely decent for being 10 days before Christmas; which is unlike the average in Vermont at this time of the year.

Hmmm.

Not sure how I feel about it, really. For now, I'm liking it - we could hold onto this weather until vacation starts; then, let the snow fall. These boys are going to be terribly bored without a bit of snow out there to slide around in {after all, they now have snowboards and ski's for the winter}.

It's a wonder to me.

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I have found myself growing leaps and bounds through photography...but am I really learning? I don't know. Aren't you suppose to remember details in order to learn? I'm not very good with some of those 'memory' pointers, you know. Trying to keep up with numbers and which setting that I prefer - oh, forget that. Does this make me any less of a photographer? I don't think so.

....because, yes, it has been an entire week since I've posted anything here. OUCH. Can you believe that, from me? I haven't lost my desire to write, but have just been highly busy - over achieving in areas that needed attention - ha.


Let's talk about cats. They can be stunning creatures, totally knowing of it, too. I did a photo shoot last weekend with a sweet family who owned a few kitties. Oh my goodness, they were so curious and one, in particular, was a diva. She loved the camera and wanted it's attention. Believe that? Funny.



How about basketball? Yeah, I'm going to go there. I have to, no choice for me but there is for you. Not interested? You don't have to stay, although, I do like your company. My two older boys are playing now, full force. The only night we've had off from a game or practice this week was last night and I took advantage of that time - relaxing a little bit. Oh, and Sunday's....we have no basketball on Sunday.


Decorating for Christmas? I'm going to raw true with you here. I'm not a very good decorator if you compare me with the magazine covers or even that lady down the street. No. We don't cover our house in lights {I do LOVE lights - I'm just lazy}. If I put those babies up on our house, they'll be there until next Christmas. I did try to put a few more up today in and around our dining room with TOTAL frustration, pfft - CANNED that idea and boxed them up. They're back in the closet now.


Good thing that I have boys. They're satisfied with the little bits that I have to offer. The beauty of a real Christmas tree, a little shelf elf that gets busy while we're away every day, some decorations thrown out here and there - AND my love for the Nativity scene {near to in every room}.


How about friends? I like them, even though we can't see each other very often and I don't enjoy lengthy telephone conversations {it'sgood thing I might be a little bit lovable; they forgive my inadequacies} whenever we do get together, it's like no time at all has separated us {other than the usual catch up}. It's been about three years since this friend and I have spent any time together - THREE YEARS. We would bump into one another at the grocery store once in awhile, but that's about it, other than Facebook. Finally, we and another friend decided to JUST DO IT and get together. We did that yesterday and TALKED the entire time....we did. So did her little cutie pie with her Elfin chatter. Oh my gosh, wasn't she ever stealing my heart?! Little curly-cue hair and big brown eyes....


The boys have been busy-busy and I keep trying to round us up for good things like watching movies together, getting out in the world and what else. My middle guy shows his heart to me every day, such a sweety with a temper. He made his brother breakfast yesterday morning and didn't have time for himself, completely forgot to eat by the time we got to school and went in with a meltdown over lost homework. What wonderful teachers I found listening to my explanations and allowing me to come back with a special treat for him to eat. I mean, goodness, it was another four hours before lunch and this boy - HE NEEDS TO EAT, NEEDS TO - he melts down with whatever emotion happens to pop up, when he's hungry. And, he doesn't normally know why he's all hot tempered but, impressively, he caught on yesterday. When I went back to school to bring him his breakfast snack {which happened to be a roast beef sandwich - haha}, he agreed when I suggested that the meltdown might have been for lack of food ;)


So, that rounds if up for today. I need to get back to business, here. Maybe even stop procrastinating and bring those forms for the Ski and Ride over the Rec. Deptartment - maybe. I don't know. Isn't there ONE DAY this week that I don't have to run around town, during the day?! Probably not.



Such is life...



Picture me starting my big old Sub and hearing @#%@#kchong#@$^$&$#, a few times before he turns over. This has been happening every now and then, since last winter when I had to have him towed to Milton, to visit my brother. We found out that the old boy had a few teeth missing....in his flywheel, but he's been doing pretty good since.

Until now.

I think he's lost a few more teeth, maybe in need of dentures - actually he is in need of dentures! So, it's been pretty sketchy wanting to drive somewhere this past week and shut him off, because you just never know. The other night, it took me four tries to start him before he took and the battery was sounding tired. UGH.

So, today, I decided to take the old pickup truck to the grocery store, with snowy roads. The pickup is a standard {I love driving standards}, it's a little exhausty...missing a couple of mirrors {including the rearview that sticks to the windshield}....you have to keep your foot slightly elevated to the brake pedal when you're driving it because the light stays on if you don't and everyone behind you thinks your a brake hog. So, yeah...I drove it to get the groceries. Just before I left, this morning, I moved it in the driveway and found out that it doesn't have an E-Brake - nice! It's a standard, remember? No hills, then. Fine with me, I'm just taking it to the store anyway.

No big deal. I worked in a junk yard for years and know how to drive the junks {oooops, don't tell either of them -my husband or the pickup- that I said that - they think it's as nice as the car in my picture above} hahaha. I will say that I gave it a good pat on the hood when I arrived home all in one piece. Actually, it does drive really nice - get up and go - and most everything seems to work good ;)

Right now, there are groceries still in the bags on the floor and a few on the table. I took a break when I got home, after putting away the fridge stuff - had some lunch, popped in for a few messages and then trampled around outside in the snow to gather a few logs for our wood stove.

Did I mention that I still need to clean the dishes, too? Never mind. I don't want to clean the darned dishes now or put away the rest of the groceries - I'm going to sit here and rant for a second because...well, I want to, and it's something to laugh at later {later, like when I'm old and gray, forgetting all these little details of a busy mother's day}.

It's just about that time again, where I go gather all those little bits and spread them off around the town but I've been wanting to share this photo and found it to fit nicely in with today's mumbo-jumbo.

This is my oldest sons car, obviously the one that never gets driven and collects dust, but it sure looks pretty in a picture, doesn't it? Would you believe this is straight out of the camera? Absolutely no editing done to it. Not sure how all of those details came up so clean, must have been that new flash of mine :)

Wiggle-Wiggle-Pop



Other than a dimple in a cute little chin,




What's more adorable than a toothless grin?




-Little poem written by Azu "Betty" Espezia-


He prepared for weeks and we wondered if these two tiny teeth would choose to come out by Christmas. One did. Let's see how long it will take for the other to follow ;)

Listening to Children



On December 5th 2011, we were sitting together on the floor in front of the woodstove. When I bent my arms to put my hands under my head, he looked at my elbow with a deep concern in his eyes. "What is that?", he asked me. "What is what?", I responded.

"Wait, it looks like your skin is ripped!", he said.

{smiling}

"My skin is ripped?"

He opened his hand and looked at it, then looked at me and said that it's like the lines on our hands. "You know, these lines, from when God sewed us together."


From when God sewed us together ;)


Oh, that boy tickles my heart. We talked for a little while about what he thought of God and of life and other stuff. There's nothing like listening, really listening, to the pure wondering thoughts of a child.  They can remind you of innocence and what it's like to believe.

Don't put out their fire.

Please.

~~~ ♥ ~~~

A little girl, tiny one, came up to me on the bus this morning. She had this rubber bracelet {you've seen them in all sorts of styles} and she was really liking her bracelet. She wanted to show it to me.

When I saw it, my heart twinkled with hope. There were crosses and it said something like.."He is with me." I asked her if she knew what it said and she said no. I read it to her. I said, "Do you know who He is?" She shook her head no. I said, it's Jesus. She said..."OH! I like Him." I said, "Me too." :)

Always in the middle.


Let me first just say that this, here...this is my middle man. This post isn't really about him but I loved this picture. I love it when he gets goofy on me because there's also a serious part of him that the brothers tend to bring out more than the goof.

When I was a little girl, my parents had this yellow Datsun pickup truck that I'd always get stuck with sitting in the middle, between the two of them; and I didn't like it much because, well, I like my space. I kind of need it, and they'd sing torture songs to me about having to sit in the middle {it's all in good fun...but still, I didn't like it} hahaha

This morning, I read this thing that was posted on Facebook - here, let me show you:


Now, I know...it's getting a bit risky throwing something like this up and I'm not a risk taker or a finger pointer, either. I'm just not a conflict kind of person...don't like...don't need it. When I read this, I said...hm, like yeah, I can see where they got that one, oh and maybe that one. Really, though...I kept waiting to find my category and it wasn't there. I'm not in any of those religions. Again, which brings me back to that same old question that they asked me once upon a time at the hospital...."What religion are you? We need to know because if anything were to happen, who would you want to come to pray with you?"

I told her that I was a Christian. That was good enough for me but not for them, because, just like this little poster thing...Christianity falls under a few areas, right? Yeah. Here's the thing, I see no reason to call myself anything other than one who loves Christ. I told her that, to me, the one praying for me needed to know and love Christ. But...if you must, you'd probably fit me in with the Pentecostal/Charismatic's {which also do not really have a base of organized religion, but get together in non-denominational churches who accept everyone - WHO ACCEPT EVERYONE - AND...as you can see, are also not shown on this list}...this might make some people annoyed when I say it, but I think that we're not on the list because we're just waiting for the day that we aren't stepping in shit anymore, while trying to hold another's hand, guiding them from stepping in it, too {that's what I think it would say if were were}. Oh the shame of me saying something like that....

Really though, everyone has different levels of understanding and ways of learning, correct? I believe that's partly why there are many different organized religions, as well as, in the other areas of the world - the traditions of family and such. To me, the most important understanding there is....is the one that brings you to a quiet place of 'one on One with God', reading His Word, talking to Him and listening to His Spirit. Who cares what we call ourselves, if there is no evidence within? I don't believe that it's necessary to tell everyone that we know that they're doing it wrong. I think that if someone's belief and understanding of God seems differently than ours...and it nudges us the wrong way, then maybe what we really ought to do is pray first. Pray for them. God wants nothing more than to reach into our soul and teach us more about Who He is. He's not looking for conflict, do we not understand that?

I'm not going to pretend that I am all fixed up, inside and out, He knows that I'm not and why should I try to make the world think it? For crying out loud, people just need to be okay with being real. Honestly, it's the heart that opens up, unafraid to spill it all out to Him, that He can show Himself to.

Here's the thing. I know that God is right here, living inside of me by way of His Son. The Holy Spirit is Life, Breath...truly living. Knowing this enables me to be free with who I am, even when I say or do stupid things. God teaches me from the inside, gives me strength when I need it.

I'm always amazed at the people who think that I do nothing wrong, that I couldn't possibly get angry or swear or even raise my voice. Who do they think that I am? Really, I am human - made of flesh, with a love for God. Loving God, being forgiven, understanding who I am in His eyes - doesn't make me any less human. It makes me full of a desire to know Him more, love Him more and bring understanding into this world of Who He Is to me. Yeah.

I would never want to do anything that would push others away from Him, not ever. I'm not a bully, I'm not going to hurt someone by demanding to them that they've got it all wrong; that their way of life is sinful. I know, Jesus was able to say such things, but never was He looked at as being a bully and if we remember, HE WAS WITHOUT SIN. There's a difference between Jesus and us, even though His Spirit resides within us, we're still sinful in the flesh. We've all got it wrong in some area or another. Just that some of us know it and feel a need to be loved by Him because we're able to see His unconditional love for us. Yeah, again.

So, with all of that...I get back to the title of this batch of writing. Always in the middle. I'm 100% when it comes to trusting God, understanding that we don't know everything there is to know, even the greatest of Biblical Scholars or Scientific Geniuses for that matter. People think they know and when they do, they shove it at others. When it comes to that, I'm in the middle. I know what I know because God has worked in my life and has enabled changes through every path I've taken. I read my Bible and He opens my ability to understand Him through it. I don't believe that it gives me the right to point shame.

What I'm saying is that you can't put me in a category, so please don't try. I am a child of God, who loves Him. And, this child believes in the best. I know that God made me the way that I am for His purpose. I'm not made to stand shouting that anyone is wrong. I'm made to understand, to share what I know - my experiences and to see into the feelings of others - not to hurt them but to listen and by listening, stand in the middle allowing God to draw them closer to Him.

Yeah.

He likes this one best.

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Last night, when hubby came home, I showed him my new flash and the pictures that I took with it while I had the house to myself during the day. Remember yesterday's self portrait shot? Well, he didn't like that one as much as he liked this one. I don't like this one. I think it makes me look too serious and I'm not a serious kind of person {well, sometimes I am, I guess, maybe this is what I look like when I'm serious (??)}

I don't know.

He usually has opposite taste than I do anyway, about myself, that is. I suppose that I can be feeling pretty good with it when I'm thinking that I look fat and he tells me that I'm not {although, I think he knows better than to agree} - hahaha.

Hmmmm.

Right now, it's snowing a little bit outside; which is not unusual for this time of the year but earlier in the week it was near to 60 degree's outside {which IS unusual for this time of the year}.

I spent some time this morning rearranging my book shelf that's in the dining room. I can just imagine what you think my house looks like with the descriptions that I give you. It's not like anyone else's, I'll say that. I am a one of a kind when it comes to what I like and can't say that I'm all too organized but my stuff presents itself well enough, I think. If not, people don't need to look at it, right? I mean, really - this is where I live. Anyway..

I was rearranging the shelves when I came across a few things that really touched my heart. My mother, it was a little card with her handwriting on it and tiny pictures that she'd drawn; something that she'd sent me in the mail and when I read it....I felt hugged for the day {I also cried a little}. After that, I found her dad's obituary clipping from the newspaper and I read it through. So well written, hitting on every major point of my Papa.

I haven't mentioned here that my mother's brother, the Uncle of mine that was always like this amazing, big, strong, handsome guy that was so smart and gave awesome hugs...he passed away last week and it left another empty space in our family {HERE...on earth, anyway}. See, in Heaven, I'm sure that his wife, my mother and grandparents...and all of the others who knew him and loved him, were there...waiting, knowing. And, when he arrived - golly, I'm surprised we didn't hear the chattering here on earth ;) God is good. I have no doubt of this.

So, I then...a little later, after finishing up with the book shelf, came to peek in on Facebook. I found that my cousin, his daughter, had found the old high school pictures of my mother and him. She posted my mom's on my wall and commented, bringing tears to my eyes all over again. What a happy kind of emotional morning it was for me. I liked it.

I ran out for a few things and just got back in, started some dinner; which happens to smell SO good. I love the smell of chicken cooking when I've spread it with Caesars dressing {that's what I do - skip all of the running out for individual ingredients, for me, I don't have time for it - I use what I've got}.

So, it's smelling tasty here.

Sitting here thinking, I have to mention that I placed a Nativity scene on my desk, directly in front of my monitor. It's marked with "Italy" on the bottom and numbers but seems to be made of a resin material. It's like the classic, really expensive one {that I can't remember the name of and have no time to google right now}. I like it. It suits me fine and reminds me while I'm here, why I'm here, except that I don't know where Baby Jesus is. He's missing. I remember seeing him somewhere and thought he was in the box with the rest of them, but I think that my little man might have settled him somewhere. I'll have to ask him later.

I suppose I've babbled enough for today. Let me leave you with one more picture...the one that shows me, yesterday {my choice of self} and the one that my cousin posted on my wall this morning. Looking at us, side by side, I can really see a lot of my mother in me. Not too bad, really, she was, like 17 in her picture....I'm 39 in mine ;)

meandmom


Time for an update.


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Well, now I am feeling much more confident in my photographic abilities.  No, not because I took a self-portrait…or two, or three, but because I have all of the right tools {as far as I am concerned} for portrait photography.  Now, I just need to find some smiley people who want to pose for me.

So, today, if you were to visit me, I might run and hide.  You might think it all looks decent enough when you walk through my living room, except for the tripod sitting in the middle of the floor as I type; but then you would walk into the dining room area where my desk is cluttered with camera gadgets, an open checkbook, miscellaneous paperwork, a brand new package of ping-pong balls {that little man}, a couple of cell phones, keys, scissors, books, etc.  Oh, and the table….that has an empty box holding an empty box from the external flash that was just dropped off.  You’ll find a playmobil nativity scene spread out all over the place {from my boys, who must keep pulling it out – I do have a place in mind for it, not the table}.  Let’s not even go into the kitchen where there remains a few boxed groceries from shopping last night, still in need of cupboard hiding.  Dishes, not too many, but still plenty to do.  The bathroom?  Ummm…I cleaned it this morning, but didn’t put anything away yet.  Now, upstairs is entirely a different mess to deal with.  I started on putting the three baskets full of clothes away, and became sidetracked.  Each basket is still holding a few socks, etc.  I began organizing little man’s dresser in’s and out’s  - - piles of too small and too big and just right are everywhere, on top, in drawers and on the floor now.

Why am I writing then?  BECAUSE!  I just want to.  I sometimes feel like a slave to my A.D.D. behavior, a slave to the need to have everything in it’s place {which NEVER happens, well for too long anyway}, and a slave to my own personal expectations of self.  SO….I decided to play with the camera, take some new shots of self and sit here for a minute.

I suppose, I should now go find myself some lunch.  Maybe I’ll put those things away in the kitchen and bathroom, take down the tripod and I’d better get those clothes fixed up in little man’s room before he gets home and decides that we’re keeping everything.

I read this quote this morning in my new 365 devotional {oh…this is something, too…me….doing a 365, at the end of the year – but I don’t want to wait on it for January and I have every right to start where I want to - - doesn’t help with the A.D.D. though}.

If you, your heart, your will, are enlisted on the good side, if you are wishing and trying that the good in you should conquer the bad, then you are on the side of God Himself, and God is on your side; and ‘if God be for us, who shall be against us?’  Take courage, then.  If you are fighting against your worst feelings, so is God.  On your side is God who made all, and Christ who died for all, and the Holy Spirit who alone gives wisdom, purity, nobleness.  How can you fail when He is on your side?  On your side are all spirits of just men {and women} made perfect, all wise and good souls in earth and Heaven, all good and wholesome influences, whether of nature or of grace, of matter or of mind.  How can you fail if they are on your side? ~Charles Kingsley


Don’t you just love that????!!!!